Bored in Monaco? The most alluring and beautiful place on the French Riviera? Blasphemy! To set the record straight, first, Monaco is not the Riviera, it is not even France. It is an independent principality since 1297, with some brief periods of interruptions during the French revolution and WW2. Its history is incredible.
A small country makes big noise. Only 2 square kilometers. So ‘boring’ is maybe not the right word. Yet some definitely found Monaco boring. For most tourists, a day visit, unless you are super rich, will suffice.
What’s to do in Monaco?
What is it about Monaco that cause hordes of tourists every year to flock there? Obviously, Monaco did something right. But what? Take the rock by force? Built an opulent casino to rival no other? Host an international car race so tight it’s like “riding a bicycle in your living room”? Port Hercules with its billionaire yachts? Designer shops and restaurants?
Let’s run down the main sites to explore in Monaco:
- Oceanographic Museum: The most impressive building in Monaco, built into the rock face high above the sea. The museum itself is world class. Definitely worth the visit.
- Lavish gardens: Beautifully manicured and inviting, perched high above on the rock, they offer stupendous views and a good place to relax, to picnic quietly and discretely.
- The Church: Which church are you talking about? You will know by the groups of tourists stopping in front of it with their cruise ship lecturing tour guides. What is so special there? This is where Grace Kelly and Price Reiner got married and this is where they are buried. Actually, it is more a burial chamber for all the princes and princesses of Monaco.
- The old city: On the rock there are 2 streets full of snack bars, restaurants, cafes, and souvenir shops. It’s not really an ‘old city’.
- The Prince’s Palace: Although the palace itself dates back to the 12th century, you wouldn’t think that looking at it from the outside. Actually, it looks a bit like those fake palaces in Disney World. If you muster up the energy to wait in line to buy a ticket to tour the inside of the Palace, you will be rewarded with an interesting visit to the lavish public rooms. Inside the palace, it is a wonder to the eyes, an incredible residence reminiscent of the Versailles Palace.
- The Casino of Monte Carlo: Constructed and designed in the Belle Epoque ornamented style, it is something to see and I won’t say more than that. Not for nothing did Monaco cancel income tax for all residents due to its golden cash cow.
- Café de Paris: The place next to the Casino to see and be seen. It is a staple of the Casino, inseparable. Disclaimer: they have no clue how to make iced coffee, and prices are out of this world (9 euros for a coca zero!).
It’s more fun with Louis the 14th
So with this in mind, you can pass a lovely and interesting day in Monaco with no regrets. But a lifetime? Or even a year? As a prince or princess trapped on the rock of Monaco you’d go out of your mind I imagine with all the banquets, stately dinners, and official functions. And they did. This is why tradition would have it that the Monégasque ruling class spent more time in the court of Louis the XIVth in Versailles than in Monaco. It was definitely more interesting there. They got super bored on the Rock.
But where is the real Monaco?
Being the student of history and culture that I am, I decided one day to give Monaco a different chance. This can’t be it. Where is the real Monaco? Real life! Determined to discover the Monaco beyond the tourist traps, I boarded a train to Monaco and arrived at the pristine station.
Immediately, first impression is that I am trapped. Literally, you cannot just walk out of it. Only by elevator. And when many people disembark a train? You wait. So I waited and then got tired. I decide to take the stairs, only to realize that I need to climb 11 floors, to be exact, to exit the train station!
And here was my first lesson of the ‘real’ Monaco. There is nothing flat about it. It is a small stretch of land, that is mostly hard rock and steep. This is why no real industry or agriculture ever developed here and they always needed to be very creative to make their money.
Monaco: The Video Game
OK after climbing 3 flights, I abandon this idea and take the elevator. Ah! Here is the exit! I am free. Great, now let’s just traverse the city by foot to “the Rock”. I program google maps and follow. Except, google maps is completely confused by the terrain and I get nowhere between all the ups and downs, connecting staircases, twists and turns. OK I turn on waze. He doesn’t know either. Ok screw technology let’s use good old fashion navigation skills. I see the rock, how hard could it be to get to it?
Hard. It is a labyrinth like no other. Streets one of top of another, connecting staircases provide shortcuts if you know where to go, I reach dead ends. I climb back up, and down, and up. Suddenly I see a resident entering a ‘public elevator’. It was then that I cracked the code to Monaco. Monaco is connected by dozens and dozens of free public elevators to connect streets. God forbid we will take the stairs in the most expensive country on the planet. I follow the resident, I take a series of elevators and boom I land in front of the ‘local market’ and here is the ramp to climb the rock with all other tourists.
Ah this was interesting! I never played this game before 🙂
Even local Monégasques had enough
I had a friend in my youth, he came from Monaco. As soon as he finished High School he went to study in Aix-en-Provence, where there are no elevators and waze works perfectly. During vacations he couldn’t stand to go back home, too claustrophobic. He used to show up in Toulon in his little silver sports car featuring the emblematic Monégasque license plate. We teased him interminably. The ‘prince’ that he was, he refused to take his car when we rolled around Toulon, so we used our beat up Citroen.
With large police presence, controlling every aspect of life, protecting the riches of the principality, and cameras on every street corner, you can’t blow you nose without someone in Monaco knowing about it. After university, he left Monaco for good to build his life in France, a country slightly bigger.
He too, got bored on the rock of Monaco.
